The Gift

The hurt and the fear that comes along with the words that your child has cancer can easily make you believe that things will never be right again. And, in some ways, things are not the same and are not right as you struggle to keep your footing among the hurricane that invades your world as you battle for your child's life.

But even in the midst of all the destruction - the devastation of your finances, schedules, and plans for the future - we have found footholds of stability, places of peace. Often it comes in the smiles(or the shared tears) of a dear family member or friend who offers support. Sometimes it is when someone quietly slips us a financial gift to help with the overwhelming expenses. It can come in a note or a card that reminds us of faithful prayers. These gifts of thoughtfulness - too many to list them all here - are what we cling to, what helps support us as we walk this journey, what builds our place of peace.

After completing Amanda's chemo and radiation series, we were able to spend two weeks at home. Each day was so precious and yet so bittersweet to me as my mother's heart savored every moment with my children - and still also knew that shortly I would be saying good-bye again. I must admit that except for the constant knife in my heart that has the word cancer scratched into the blade, the second greatest pain is caused by the fact that this terrible disease has the ability to keep my family divided.

Personally I admit that I have really been struggling with the thought of saying goodbye again. It had just been too long since I had been together with all of children and now I knew that with us heading back to Houston, the opportunity for that would be gone again. But once again, a loving Heavenly Father chose to grant a desire of my heart - just to remind me that He knows. And for me, that gift arrived in the form of 36 hours that found all of our children home together with Larry and I.

Joshua - just returned from 6 months in China and waiting to move back into his college apartment, Haley - home for the weekend from a summer job away, Abby - who thankfully was able to spend time with us earlier in Houston (while Anna was away), now working long hours with the horse program at Coyote Hill and looking at her final year at home before beginning college, Anna - just home from a special trip away with extended family from Iowa and changing out suitcases as she re-packed to head off to her beloved Camp Barnabas, Caleb - returned late last Saturday evening from his mission trip to Guatemala, and Amanda - whose schedule remains unknown as she continues her brave battle.

From late Saturday night until early Monday morning, we were complete. My children laughed, talked, and loved being together again. We shared fireworks with dear family and friends late into the evening and then, the following morning, we joined together as the team we have always been. The surprise...the photo that showed with the big equipment in front of our home was part of a project in the backyard. A small old, fountain pool had cracked and in its removal a tree went down, liners needed to be placed, and some yard regraded. Morning found my kids all getting up together, pulling on old t-shirts and shorts and heading into the yard to help. They moved rock, drained old water, moved a shed (really), loaded and unloaded dirt, and laughed and played and worked together as the bonded team that they are.

Most of us would never consider yard work on a hot morning a gift, but what a gift it was to me. Watching them together, listening to the sounds of their laughter and sharing of experiences while apart, it was truly a gift to me. Except for the hard work, sweat, dirt and mosquitoes, I would have wished it to go on and on. :-)

As the project came to an end, the kids were gathered together and I documented the time with a photo that is more precious than I can say. They are dirty, they are hot, they are wet, they are muddy...they are together, they are happy and to me they are beautiful.

A desire of my heart, granted. So many gifts from Heaven...this one, especially for my "mother" heart. I am blessed.