The last week or so has been increasingly painful and distressing .... it's time for the graduated seniors to head off to college, and Amanda wanted so much to go. I've slept and cried for days .... and Thursday is Caleb and Amanda's birthday. I wonder what we would have got her .... probably something for her dorm room.
I had pretty much decided not to write anything about this on the blog, because I know Amanda wouldn't want others to feel bad or to be sad at this time ... but I changed my mind after friends said comforting things, and a couple of her classmates posted things on Face Book that touched me. Thank you to Ruthie and Molly for your kind words, and to all the rest of her class for all they ways you show appreciation for who Amanda was to us. We appreciate the visits and just coming by to say hello.
Ruthie wrote:
Your birthday is Thursday!! And we are having a party for you!!! Complete with Disney movies and cake and cookies and snacks and fingernail polish!!!! :D I know you will be watching us all!! We will be watching Beauty and the Beast, because we know it's your favorite. Also, prepare for your "new home" to be decked out with flowers and ... balloons. I hope you're prepared!!! Miss you Manda Panda.
Love, Ruthiepooh
Mollie wrote:
Hello friend. I am having an "Amanda" day today. My pearl bracelet fell off at work today. And then as my ipod was shuffling through songs, Soon came on. And that will forever be a reminder to me of you and your love for your Savior. And now Ruthie and I are talking about how we miss you. I especially miss your smile that made all the ... worries of the day drift away. You had a great knack for doing that. I said that I wished we lived in a world without cancer and where death was impossible and that we all lived in Eden where pain never would enter our minds. Ruthie pointed out to me that that's what heaven is. I said dumb apple. But it's really not the apple's fault that eve ate it. I guess it's Satan. What is it like to live in a place where Satan is not? Is it liberating? I bet it is. I can't really imagine that. But someday I will join you, dearest Amanda. I love you. Happy early Birthday, love.
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5 comments:
Dearest Ones.....I am grieving and crying with you. I am so sorry for your pain....all of the "firsts" are horrible.........and the seconds and thirds and....too, but each time just a little more bearable. Just keep remembering two things...Amanda is no longer suffering and is in the constant presence of our Lord---WE can "only imagine"--but she sees clearly!, AND she would not want us to continue to grieve and ache, but since we do, the thing we must do for HER, is to minimize that as much as possible, reach out to someone else who is hurting and do whatever we can to spread the JOY! ............and there IS joy, even in the pain. The Joy of the Lord is our strength! Amanda knew this truth and practiced it as an example to us. We can do no less than "likewise". I love you...Like Always, jeanette
I imagine Amanda is soaking in unlimited learning, delighting in each new discovery. The place prepared for her is more satisfying and more perfect than anything here. While you will not have the joy of preparing her for college, you did more. You prepared her for life here AND for life there.
Numerous times a day I touch my "Amanda bracelet" and pray for your family. I don't know what to say when I see you, but please know you are lifted up more often than you will ever know by more people than you can ever imagine.
Just this week I heard from someone I met about how deeply your entire family impacted an unbelieving radio host. Amanda touched soooo many without even knowing it. And you are now teaching us all how to grieve..not a lesson you would choose to give if there was another way, but it is a gift to us none the less.
~ Denise's new best friend
Our family is thinking and praying for you, especially on this day. You are never far from our thoughts and prayers.
Love,
The Pinkstaff family
Remembering her and Caleb today, bittersweet for her brother to not have his partner. I do hope he is also getting the support he needs during this time from friends. From what I have read of your family, church and friends I am sure he is.
I can only wonder what today has in store for Amanda in her new home, I am sure she is shaking things up in her new body. Do they do the "worm" in heaven?
Always checking in and grieving with you, know that you are in a lot of thoughts and prayers especially on days like today.
I learned of this blog through the mother of a student of your daughter's. I taught this mother many years ago. I am getting ready to send my youngest child off to college in a couple of weeks. I want you to know that your daughter has touched my heart in so many ways and continues to do so through your blog. Because of your thoughts of Amanda, I will savor and treasure the next two weeks with my daughter much more deeply than I would have. It will be like Mary after Jesus was born when she "pondered" these things in her heart. How full her heart must have been. I promise to take time and treasure every minute with my daughter as I send her off. I am trusting my Savior to care for her just as you trust Him to care for Amanda. I have two other children, but this one is my most spiritual. She was a blessing given to us after the death of a newborn before her. She has been a blessing every day since then.
Because of your thoughts of Amanda, I am more attentive and more alert to the blessing of having my daughter with me. I am endeavoring to show her even a fraction of the love that I read on these pages. Thank you so much for continuing the updates. They are precious.
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