Denise and I were in Jeff City this morning ... went to pick out Amanda's stone. It was hard to walk in and say we were there to get a stone for our daughter.
It seems to me that when I was a kid, I heard people call them "permanent markers." It doesn't appear they are called that anymore, which is a good thing. What they are marking is not permanent. I'll let all you theologians argue the details, but one thing I am sure of, death will not have the victory. Cancer will not win this. This is not permanent.
I am reminded of a great movie line from Gladiator, when before the final dual Maximus says, "And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next." As much as this hurts in the here and now, I pray God follows through on the eternal punishment of cancer. In this life or the next I pray there will be vengeance ... for every minute we have had to live this life without Amanda, let there be 10,000 years of punishment of ... cancer. For the most vile person on earth, I pray for mercy. For cancer ... vengeance. ... This will never be okay. (Some nights I am angry. It is a great torment for a father to be unable to protect his children, and keep her from harm. Great torment!)
Amanda designed her stone ... working with Denise on it when she was still feeling pretty good. It is a nice design. I think Amanda would like the finished result ... as I envision it. We still have to approve how it will finally look. Amanda and Denise sketched out the design in the back of one of the notebooks Amanda always had laying around to write things in. They are fun to read. As we were looking through this particular notebook today ... the one with the design in it ... we came across something she had written about a year ago ... telling of a funny conversation between Denise and Grandma Audrey. Amanda thought is was so funny she wrote it down in her notebook, and so I'll share it with you here.
Amanda writes:
My mom was talking to my Grandma Audrey on the phone when grandma brought up that the girl who had been staying with her had been gone for 4 days, but that she had just come back. When grandma sat the girl down and said that she should have called or something and that she was worried about her, the girl replied, "Why were you so worried about me?"
My grandma told her, "I worry about anyone who is comfortable wearing the same underpants for 4 days!"
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6 comments:
i miss that beautiful girl. and i love you all.
Oh how this wonderful young lady is missed and how her life lives on. Amanda touched so many lives by the way she loved the Lord and the way she lived and died with dignity. God knew her life path before she was born and she followed it without asking "why me?" We all should live our lives like Amanda did and make a difference in everyone that meets us, like Amanda.
I am sure this was a hard thing for you both to do, get and design a headstone. But I am also glad that there could be some smiles also. That is what Amanda would want from the two of you.....some tears, but mostly laughter in rememberence of her.
I love this story and just shared it with my daughter, you have GOT to send that in to Reader's Digest or Guidepost!!! TOO FUNNY...
Tammy Hodges
I can see how you hurt when you say that you couldn't protect her, but you led her to Heaven by your prayers and parenting. Most parents didn't protect their kids in that way. Satan won a battle but you won the war. God will repay you for your loss. I really believe that.
The biggest thing we will miss at CFS this coming school year is Amanda. We will miss her smile, her friendliness, her concern for others, and her persevering strength. We will continue to commemorate her and point to her as a model for how to live a life of purpose, faith, and happiness. Amanda was a winner, and she will forever be a winner, because as you said, Larry, cancer and death are and will be defeated. Our God reigns, and Amanda and all of us will reign with Him over sin, death, and disease.
Our prayers continue for the McDaniel family. We are privileged to count you as our friends and co-laborers in the kingdom of God. May God's mercy and comfort abide with you.
Scott Williams
I never have met Amanda, you or any friends, but I'm sitting here sobbing. For your loss, for her gain. My heart and prayers go out to you.
Amanda has been such an inspiration. I was fretting over a pimple the size of Mount Everest, when I remembered Amanda. She had such a beautiful smile, even when her trials were so painful and hard! I felt very ashamed of myself, compared to her wonderful example. As far as I can tell, she really lived up to her name.
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