It is hard to write on this day...this day that represents all the hopes and dreams and promises that come when our children are born. Birthdays are always emotional for me...I do love the people that my children are growing up to be. Each of them are so unique in their pursuits, dreams and interests. Truly each birthday is an opportunity to remember and give thanks for their life, but what mother does not feel the sting as she thinks again of how quickly these years seem to fly by and for just a moment, does not long for the days of old when she knelt down to give a small, wiggly child a birthday hug.
Today I hugged a tall, handsome son. (He no longer wiggles.) I am so proud of the young man that he has become. I fixed a special, fun lunch that had us all laughing and sharing around the table. He opened gifts and blew out candles and we celebrated his life.
But my heart aches for those yesteryears. My arms, for another hug. He was not alone on the day he was born; she was there. And from that moment on, she was everywhere. She was the joy and the fun of his seriousness. She was the spontaneity of his practicality. He was the strength and she was the tenderness. Together they were the perfect team. Birthdays have always been a bit emotional for me, and, especially this year, they still are.
In the time since we whispered our last earthly good-byes to Amanda, we have been thankful for the words and acts of thoughtfulness that remind us that she is not forgotten...that the days of her life impacted people in such a way that her memory, her life continue on yet, through so many of us. Throughout this entire journey those words have been a comfort to us...a balm, and we are truly grateful; for, they still are.
The tears that continually lie right below the surface...waiting to again break through the control we fight for, are bittersweet now. Memories and moments bring back the joy of her as a sister, a daughter, but hold also the incredible longing and anguish as time takes us further and further from those times. We move forward as we should, we take with us the love, we believe in a forever with her, but for now, the tears...they still are.
Happy Birthday, Mandas. I can only imagine what a great day you have had. We love you and keep you in our hearts and with us always. We took beautiful pink flowers and a sequined butterfly to the cemetery today. We know your not there, but perhaps it makes us feel better. Every memory, every year you were with us was our gift. Laughter, quiet whispers and personal moments... so precious...oh yeah. They still are.
Last night Abby and I walked and played and danced in the rain. It was cool and refreshing and it was wonderful to be with her again after a long summer apart. We talked of the way that she and her sisters (and cousins too!) use to love to walk and play in the rain. As the raindrops mixed with my silent tears, I quietly said, "You were great sisters". "Momma", she told me, as she took my hand, "we still are."
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My Dear Friend---My "Mother's Heart" is aching with yours...........I love you...Likealways, j*
I came here today as I do each day to watch a Youtube video or look at a pic or read about the silliness of a girl I never knew. I also wondered what kind of day she was having in her new home, perhaps helping to pick out the heavenly homes of her earthly family.
The tears flow from this momma for your loss for the rest of your sojourn here on earth, but it will be brief in the whole realm of things and then the lunches and parties will be with ALL the family.
when we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun,
we've no less days to sing God's praise
then when we first begun....
These words comfort me when I consider that in that heaven no one is constrained by time, once we enter into eternity, there is no beginning and no end....therefor, Amanda is not bound by time either, she needn't "wait" for you, true joy in heaven is that we will all be one in Him, no beginnings, no endings, only togetherness, completeness, no one has to wait within earthly constraints once God welcomes them in....
A welcome thought....
Denise, this is a tough time--before Amanda's birthday as tough as the day itself, perhaps. Hope you let those tears roll whenever they need to. Wherever your heart is, there also is your dear Amanda. You'll always be her mom, and she will always be your girl. Love to you--Jodie
I can not begin to imagine the emotional roller coaster you have all been on and will still be on for who knows how long. However, once again your words of encouragement, honesty about your feelings are powerful and inspiring to those of us who read them. A reminder of how precious the gift of life is. May God hold you in His hand and do for you what no one else can. Elaine
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