It was a year ago ... at about 6:00 p.m. .... Amanda said to us, "I am tired, let me go."
And so it was.
Today has been a quiet day here at home ... one we don't want to deal with, but have no choice.
And as the 6:00 hour strikes, I am the only one here. Caleb and Anna are at the cemetery. Denise is with Joshua. Haley is with Matt. Abby with Lance.
This time of silence in this home is appropriate. It seems fitting. It reminds me of how lost I am without Amanda. Her joy and her wisdom helped guide me to things that were right, and helped correct me in love when I made mistakes as a parent (which I have been known to do). Sometimes when she was just up in her room hanging out, I would go up and join her ... just sit on the floor. I didn't have to say anything ... just sit there. It made her happy, but me much more so.
This will never be OK, and I will never say goodbye.
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9 comments:
Know that you will never be alone. Not only the Lord, but now Amanda is watching you, and walking with you 24 hours a day, in a way that was not even possible a year ago. Share your sunny, and "looks like another beautiful!" rainy days with her, as she is now able (in part) be with you all the time. Think of her joy right now WALKING with our Lord, and be happy FOR her, while we all hurt without her. Love ya brother..Dave
Well said...Reid
"This will never be OK, and I will never say goodbye."
This makes me sad as a non-believer. It has to be OK to God, she is His, and you will see her again very soon when compared to eternity.
To the "anonymous unbeliever," .... No, it doesn't HAVE to be OK with God. That is nonsensical. And "seeing her again very soon when compared to eternity" still doesn't take the place of her absence here now, or make the empty places in our hearts become full again.
Sharing in your sorrow from Iowa... I have no words of wisdom to offer you, there are no short cuts for your grief...
Loving thoughts and prayers continue...
This hymn was written after two major traumas in Spafford’s life. The first was the great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially (he had been a wealthy businessman). Shortly after, while crossing the Atlantic, all four of Spafford’s daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford’s wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, “Saved alone.” Several weeks later, as Spafford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, the Holy Spirit inspired these words. They speak to the eternal hope that all be-lievers have, no matter what pain and grief befall them on earth.
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When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
Refrain
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
Refrain
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
Refrain
But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!
Refrain
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
Refrain
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Mr. Larry,
I want to apologize if I offended you or hurt you with my previous comment. I come to this page to see the remarkable faith that your family and you and Mrs. Denise share, May 14th was difficult in a way I cannot understand. I watched my daddy die of cancer and knew he was hurting and ready and felt a relief that his pain was gone and he was home with his Heavenly Father (he was a Christian) and in pain no more. I grieved, but it was ok with me that I had to let him go and say goodbye so he could live where all believers ultimately want to be. I desire that you find peace to continue your and Amanda's ministries. Doesn't the bible say He knows the number of hairs on our heads and the days of our lives? Sometimes it is how someone faces death that witnesses more than how they face life. Your Amanda seemed to face it with a maturity well beyond her years. Again, I am sorry if I hurt you, it was not my intent.
"Anonymous unbeliever" ... it is fine.
Please send me an email to larryfrommissouri@gmail.com ... and I would love to visit with you.
thanks,
larry
Losing a child is never ever okay, whether you're a believer or not. The sadness is there forever albeit with time the pain becomes manageable. It is not the same as losing a parent or grandparent. I posted earlier and explained that a child's passing goes against nature. We expect that our children will outlive us. As parents, we protect our children as well as love them and when they are taken by disease or accident, a sense of helplessness also envelopes us. The thought of losing a child is unimaginable. The reality is even far worse. No one will completely understand that horrible loss and overwhelming sadness unless you have lost a child yourself. Please, do not judge nor question someone's beliefs, especially when he/she is experiencing something that no one should have to experience.
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